The Discovery

It is the story of self.

I was living in Kozhencherry, Kerala with my parents and brother, in 1996, in my higher secondary schooling stage. Since it was a rural area, there used be scheduled power cuts for hours together, hence no television, and there was no neighborhood children to play around, I have to put up with my brother, and vice-versa, so during quarrel I end up in reading story books, always better than studying.

Because of the circumstances, I started reading books, which slowly became a hobby and now it is a passion.

We used to collect our pocket money just to buy Enid Blyton, Franklin W. Dixon, Carolyn Keene collections. We used to lend books from library. Per week two books were allowed.  So we both together will get home 4 books, and finish reading it in a week. We used to read under candle light, under the blanket with torch lights on, under the school text book cover, to cheat our parents. In holiday when I ran out off books, I used sit and copy them (I have two note books of hardy boys with me). After finishing it we used to discuss about its write up, flaws and the part which we liked the most, if it is a series then in the next book what might be the story line, so on... The most discussed and argued was Harry Potter.

There is a very good incident to mention about my book-reading, in my M.sc, Harry Potter series’ fifth-book came out - The Order of Phoenix. There was a bet among Harry Potter fans in our class. The bet was about, who will complete the book first. It was the second day, so I took leave from college and started reading the book day and night, I was so much involved in reading, and suddenly I heard my mom shouting madly (which she never does). Then I looked up her face to note that she was very angry and upset. I couldn't make out the reason for her rage, because it usual for me to read books late in the night. So what this all about?

Then I slowly heard noises coming from my neighborhood too!

Then I got up from my easy chair (c-bend chair)…. my legs were soaked in water! :(

It had rained heavily and flooded my ground-floor house and I didn't realize it!

But after helping for an hour or so I went back to my book by dawn 3 a.m. and finished it by 10 a.m.

Flood or no flood Harry Potter had to be completed, after effects I will handle it, once I have done my reading, this was my attitude.

Time ran and new responsibilities came-in, I was mom, and no time for reading books. Life was busy and happy. And Harry Potter series was completed and I too completed the book with great difficulty. My husband saw my interest in books and got me Chetan Bhagat's entire collection, it took me 3-moths to complete it, and over the phone I was discussing the book with my brother, he over-heard our conversation and was surprised by the way we discuss about books. That was the time my husband gave the idea of blogging.

Even though I stopped reading books, my connections with stories never ended, it took a turn for fairytales, now I am narrating stories for my daughter. Stories hold her attention, so making her to have her food and making her to sleep became made easy. Even my relatives used to wonder at how I used to cook up stories for my daughter from nothing and made it up so beautifully to hold her attention.

I got a Job, and in my lunch time I slowly started to read story books again. There I came across the 'Twilight-series' by Stephanie Meyer.  It took me 40-days to complete the entire four book series. But those 40-days changed a lot in me. I don’t know it may be because, I started reading like before. Every single minute I was happy, whatever and however the circumstances were, it didn't affect me. It may sound crazy, but just reading made me happy and joyful - This surprised me.  Then I realized what I wanted in my life. I wanted to write a story book!

Yes, that is what I am good at.

From my child-hood I used to feel that I didn't have any special talent to exhibit to others. I used feel jealous of my cousin who could sing, dance and paint well. I knew drawing and painting; I inherited knowledge of classical-songs from cousins, spiritual knowledge from my parents and Guru, learned science through degrees (fear of math, developed an attraction to science initially) and developed an interest in sports because of my brother's influence. In a simple way- I was jack of all trades, but master of none.

But now I discovered what I am good at – Story Telling!

I am going to write a STORY-BOOK! I wanted to be a writer – story writer.

I don't know how famous my book……Uhmm... books would be, but I will enjoy doing it.

I will publish a novel before my last breath!

LOVE

What is love?

Is it a just the fulfillment of expectations?

Is it like breath, vital?

Is it a hormonal stimulus?

Is it a principle? Or law?

Is it GOD, for spiritual aspirant?

Is it a mutual sacrifice?

Is it selfishness?

OR

We just say it because everyone around us says so?

Every one will be familiar with this word’s synonym and experienced it at least once in their life, and would have said I LOVE YOU/THIS/THAT at least hundred times. But have we ever thought about it seriously? We ignore most of the things until unless it seeks our attention/ or trouble shoots up.

Like our breath, our internal system we just take love also for granted, it happens. But how it happens?

People describe love, according to their mood-swings I personally think (at least I do).

Love is painful, demanding, complicated, feeling good, beautiful, perennial...

But to do justice to the word LOVE, I think we can’t definitely restrict it in a controlled vocabulary.

If we analysis it by Shakespeare's 7-ages of life;

In infant stage, all that that child requires is food and shelter. Mother provides it to the child, so she becomes the infant’s most loved one. Like wise because of mother-hood (nature's selection only for female) a mother does all her duties towards the young ones and a mutual binding happens between them. The mutual binding is mainly because of the ample time they both spend with each other and mothers feeling of owning the young ones. It is a feeling where a mother feels that the young one belongs to her. So a natural characteristic is that – if we own, we take good care of it, with expectation.

Have you ever heard a mother say “XYZ is my kid”?  Especially a mother never addresses her child as an individual; it will be always...my daughter/my son. (possessiveness/ownership/patented).

At teenage, when in school or college, life is all about friendship. If you just think, the pack which is talented and merry will be crowded with fellowship. Again human get magnetized by happiness.

The bond develops because of happenings in that pack!  Then it comes – the infatuation of opposite sex, which only because of the curiosity to discover many hormone stimulated reflexes.

When we mature and accrue wealth (thinking it gives happiness), we discover happiness is not wholesome, until it is shared (displayed) with loved-ones. So in the market of finding an ideal partner/love (wealth, health, same ideology; totally a safe person to travel for entire journey) we end up in choosing the best (our comfort zone), in our own ways. I don't know where to put “bonded by love” in marriage.

Saints and spiritual aspirants - they renounced all the worldly things and relations; in search of truth, and some-how have experience to say....God is the form of LOVE. But why do these aspirants seek love/God? Is it selfishness?

Yes, even though, they sacrificed everything, they are afraid of being caught in the cycle of birth and death, so they want to attain salvation. It is not the love towards God but it is because of their fear to realms of birth and death.

Like this in every stage of life we experience Love, with a cause; it is never been unconditional. Even though we say 'I love unconditionally without expectation from the other'; the real core is that, we loved our parents, children, brothers, sisters, master, friend, husband and wife with a purpose - self happiness and contentedness. We love because it makes us happy!

LOVE is SELFISHNESS! We love others for our selfishness, it is not mutual. IT IS A SACRIFICE FOR ONES OWN SELFISHNESS. LOVE IS A REFLECTION AND REFLEX OF SELFISHNESS. LOVE IS FOR SELF-HAPPINESS.